Let’s talk about bringing back desire! Ande Lyons is here to talk to us about how to have a passionate relationship. When Ande met her partner 28 years ago, they had instant chemistry. Over the years they have been able to keep that chemistry alive because they cultivate it.
Usually when you first fall in love the feelings of euphoria last for about 18 months. They’re lust levels dropped when they were trying to have a child and having multiple miscarriages. To help her get through the time when they were focusing on conceiving, Ande turned to romance novels to help her get in the mood.
Ande and her husband Chet experienced live delivery at 5 months, a still born 7 months and a miscarriage at 13 weeks. She spent 7 years pregnant and now has 2 beautiful boys worth all of that effort. During that time of grief, she didn’t feel like making love to her husband but they did couples work.
During another stressful time in their life, they lost a dot-com business that nearly capsized their marriage. They were so committed to save their marriage that they enlisted the help of a professional couples therapist to come in-house and help them. On the fourth day, the magic was back!
Ande encourages us to stay in tune with our partner. Over years we shift and change and getting intimate allows us to pull back the layers that we usually have with other people. “It gets us women really grounded in our bodies. It allows our male partners to give to us in such an important fundamental way (provide, take care and win). All of the sudden life becomes more clear. You are not only more intimate with your partner, you have a deeper relationship and connection with yourself and with life!”
The inner temptress is so important for a fulfilled fully expressed life. Love your body. Whether it’s about putting on sexy lingerie, massaging oil onto your skin, find out what turns you on.
You have to spice it up! Sometimes we forget that our partners are different and we forget to use the right language with our men. The lack of appreciation a man may feel will shut him down sexually. Communication is important. If you feel like the relationship is dull, talk about your values and about why you fell in love. Focus on the positive and speak it out loud. The anger will dissolve and allow you to work on your issues. You can bring it back!
Ande also talks about how oral sex can be just one of the wonderful ways to engage with each other.
“Continue deepening the love of yourself first–always and then with your partner, but also deepen the erotic connection. Erotic means illumination and keeping ourselves illuminated with our beloved will help you grow into a deeper more loving relationship that is so satisfying.”
Here’s a fun blog post from Ande about masturbation, Everyone Needs a Helping Hand!
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